Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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