my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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