dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
