oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
