remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
