you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
