I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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