Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
