Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to have your abortion
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
