Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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