Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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