Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
