I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have fence marks all over my body
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
