I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
