hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Life is so much better after having sex.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I got inside last night via doggy door
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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