my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
