So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
