We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
