I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The best revenge is premature balding
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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