He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
