is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
