my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They took my balls.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
