you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
