Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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