Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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