this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
