o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
