Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Text me some of your sweat
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
