Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
