i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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