Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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