No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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