I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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