I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
