Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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