I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
