my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
