Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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