so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
