also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
