..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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