i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
