once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
