Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
