I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
