Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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