I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
