Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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