Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
