You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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