i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
