Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's rum buckets o'clock
My vagina is officially offended.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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