Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
