I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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