I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
