i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
