yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
birth control should be required to get into college
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Randomize
