I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
