I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
